Worry No Less

Worry No Less

Since I was a young child in school, 8th grade to be exact, I realized how fast time went by during the day. I would see faces of the kids who liked me, teachers who wondered about me, and the empty table during lunch time everyday. I saw all them each day and one day, it was lunchtime and I was sitting watching the kids play and teachers obverse, I  thought the day has gone by so fast. Then later that school year it was suddenly English class, the last class of the day. I was always startled and it crept upon me like a ghost. I wondered how long ago was the morning. Last years morning. Years ago when the rhythm of my life was different.

Once again it has happened. I find myself worried that time goes by too fast. I think about my mindset a year ago and I was filled with anxiety and questing where to transfer to get a bachelors degree. I was constantly looking at emails, then emailing and making calls to check on updates and overthinking each step and actions I made towards school. Death just occurred when my grandmother suddenly got sick and passed. She would say to me over and over again, “Get your education. Its so important. Do you want to flip hamburgers for the rest of your life?” I had no doubts I would get into a good school and pursue with great energy and optimism. 3 nights ago I had another dream about her and she gave me a hug and said she was so proud of me getting my education.

I still have one more year but I know she is proud.

This exists in the same realm as my relations with time. Happiness and consciousness of the present. One can always be present in the time they want to remember forever. Allow distractions to disappear into the background. Let your phone take a nap, and rest on your desk. Let your eyes widen with those who demonstrate love towards you and allow your kindness to enter their hearts.

Life does not always have to be tragic and broken. Life is the wind through trees. Life is the baby laughing in the grocery store. Life is remembering what our grandmother said to you and now you have finally done it. Current persistence is future optimism built up past beauty.

It's hard to stay mad at the world when you did your best when you have proven to yourself to keep smiling.

I still see time going by my eyes faster than my mind can understand. In those moments I feel so sad and dull when life is dragging, I say to myself that I need to remember the past bad experiences and see how they mean nothing to me now. Why worry?

Times passes. And when you experience that, the feeling that I have talked about, you are mature enough to let the worries go, and then you will smile.